I was nervous the day we went to Mauthausen. I’m not really sure why; I think I wasn’t sure what type of reaction I would have as I have never been to a concentration camp. As a Jew, learning about the Holocaust and anti-Semitism in history is always a weird thing for me because I feel this weird need to seem unbothered and academic in order to avoid the appearance of “making everything about myself.” No one has ever accused me of this, but I’ve felt this reflex ever since I was a young child. I guess going to Mauthausen was no different and I felt the same need to same unemotional.
When we first got off the bus, it didn’t really feel like we were at a concentration camp. There was a cafeteria where some of us ate and went to the bathroom before our tour. We all chatted at picnic tables outside. Then we met our guide, Daniel and began our tour.
We started outside the walls of the former camp. We compared aerial maps of the area from 1945 and current day. One student asked if a feature of the 1945 map was a soccer field. That’s where the discussion really started. We talked about how the SS members who operated this camp had a soccer team that competed in a league in Austria. Townspeople from the surrounding area would come to watch the soccer matches held right outside the concentration camp, with a view of prisoners and bunkers. Daniel asked us why we thought the SS did this. We came to the conclusion that there were two main purposes for this soccer team: to humanize the Nazis to the townspeople that lived near the camp and to integrate the camp into the town, to make it seem like a normal part of the town that provided entertainment. I think this part of the tour, before we even walked through the gates had the biggest emotional effect on me.
Throughout the rest of the camp, I couldn’t help but think about Ruth Klüger’s aversion to the idea of concentration camps as memorials that people can go and visit. I think Klüger has a legitimate reason to feel as she does, but after Daniel’s tour, I believe concentration camps and death camps should be sites of education and remembrance. Even so, I did see exactly what Klüger describes in her autobiography as one of the reasons why she doesn’t like people visiting the former camps. She describes children running around and playing in the former bunkers that housed the prisoners at the camp, which I saw firsthand on our tour. Seeing that did take me out of the experience and Daniel’s tour for a few moments, but I think even with that moment, the tour was important and impactful for me.
At our Mauthausen debrief a few days after, some of us were talking about things that would possibly make concentration camp visits more impactful, given Klüger’s criticisms. We agreed that everyone that visits should get an in-person guide, like we did. Without Daniel’s comments and insight, I don’t think I would have had as nearly an important experience at Mauthausen.
At the debrief, there were moments where I didn’t know what to say, but now it seems to be all coming out, so please bear with me. Towards the end of our tour, Kathy pointed out the plaque that commemorated all of the homosexuals who perished because of the Nazis. She said that when that plaque was hung up, many other survivors were angry that it was there, and for a long time no one else wanted to hang a plaque next to it. Hearing about that made me so angry. I’m Jewish, but I also come from a family with a lot of queer people, including myself. To think that Jewish survivors who went through all that they did would be mad about a plaque commemorating other lives that were lost in the same circumstances that survivors made me so upset.
The final thing I want to discuss is an idea that Daniel brought up numerous times in his tour. It doesn’t really make sense to compare current events to the Holocaust, Hitler, or the Nazis because nothing will ever be exactly the same as those things. What is important and worthwhile to do is to note mechanisms and processes used during the Holocaust that are the same or very similar to those used both before and after the Holocaust in other events. Some examples would be comparing certain groups to rodents or insects, referring to a group as an infestation, and putting a specific group in subhuman conditions and then saying that this group was this disgusting or uncivilized all along. I think this method of thinking about history and tragedy really put things in perspective for me and made me feel a lot more educated as both a student of history and a human being.
I have even more to say, but I can’t seem to put it into words. I think this blog post somewhat did our visit to Mauthausen justice.
After our tour at Mauthausen, we visited a town called Ybbs an der Donau where one of Kathy’s childhood friends lives. After dinner, some of us skinny dipped in the Ybbs river. After such an emotional, sad day, it felt good to do something that felt so joyful and human. It was like a celebration of life and the amazing opportunity that we all had to be on a trip like this.
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